Jewish tradition does not explain death away. It gives grief a shape, a time and above all a community. In Spiritual Humanistic Judaism we keep that shape. We do not offer mourners promises about an afterlife or a divine plan; we offer them the presence of other people, the words of our tradition, and a way to carry the dead with us through the good we go on doing in their name.

Mourning in community

• The funeral — simple and honest, centred on the life that was lived, with Jewish words, music and silence.
• Shivá — the first seven days, when mourners stay at home and the community comes to them: to sit, to listen, to bring food and to make a minyan for the memorial prayers.
• Sheloshim — the first thirty days, as mourners begin to return to ordinary life.
• The first year — traditionally the time for saying Kaddish, and for setting a stone.
• Yahrzeit — the anniversary of the death, kept each year by lighting a candle that burns for a day and night, saying Kaddish with others, and doing a good deed in the person’s memory.

Kaddish is traditionally said with a minyan, never alone. That is perhaps the tradition’s wisest answer to grief: not an explanation, but a room full of people.

Zécher זכר

From Tefilotenu.

יהא נא זכרון טוב וחסד ורחמים ואהבה מכל העולם
לכבוד אהובינו שאינם עוד׃
הבה ננצור בלבנו את שמותיהם הטובים,
ונוקירם במעשים טובים׃
זכרונם לברכה׃ אמן׃

Yehé na zichrón tov veḥésed veraḥamím ve’ahavá mikól ha’olám lichvód ahuvénu she’énam od. Havá nintsór belibénu et shemotéhem hatovím, venokirám bema’asím tovím. Zichronám livrachá. Amén.

May there be remembrance, and compassion, and kindness, and love from all the world, upon our honourable loved ones who are no longer present. Let us make a place in our hearts to remember their good names, and let us honour them with good deeds. May their memory be a blessing. Amén.

We call to mind our loved ones whom we have lost. Please call out their names. We stand in honour of their memory.

Kaddish קדיש

With a minyan.

יתגדל ויתקדש וידכר שמיהון רבא. אמן׃
בעלמא דלא יתברא כרעותינו.
נימלך בעצותינו,
נצמיח פורקנינו ונקרב משיחינו. אמן׃
בחיינן וביומינן ובחיי דכל יתבי עלמא,
בעגלא ובזמן קריב, ואמרו אמן׃
יהא שלמא רבא בשם מתיא דנן וחיים עלינו
ועל כל ישראל ועל כל העולם, ואמרו אמן׃
נתקן את העולם עבורנו ועבור כל האדם, ואמרו אמן׃

Yitgadál veyitkadásh veyidachár shemehón rabá. Amén. Be’almá delá yitberá chir’uténu. Nimaléch ba’atsoténu, natsmí’aḥ purkanénu unkarév meshiḥénu. Amén. Beḥayenán uveyomenán uveḥayé dechól yatevé ‘alemá, ba’agalá uvizmán karív, ve’imerú Amén. Yehé shelamá rabá beshém metayá denán veḥayím alénu ve’ál kol Yisra’él ve’ál kol ha’olám, ve’imerú Amén. Netakén et ha’olám avurénu ve’avúr kol ha’adám, ve’imerú Amén.

Let the names of those who have died be magnified, made special, remembered: Amen. In the world which we did not create, let us take counsel, let us choose worthy leaders, let us bring our own salvation — in our lives and the life of all who dwell in the world, in the near and auspicious future, and let us say: Amen. Let there be peace, in the name of our dear ones who have died, and life for us, for all of Israel, and upon all of the world, and let us say: Amen. Let us fix the world, for us and for all of humanity, and let us say: Amen.

Adapted from Rabbi Tzemaḥ Yoreh

Grief does not excuse us from responsibility; if anything it deepens it. Those who have died did not finish the work, and we inherit it. To say a name aloud in a room full of people is to refuse the silence that follows a death, and to declare that this life mattered — and goes on mattering in the lives of those who loved them.

Yahrzeit calendar

The yahrzeit falls on the Hebrew date of the death, so it moves against the everyday calendar from year to year. Enter a name and date of death into Hebcal’s free calculator to see the yahrzeit dates for the years ahead, and download them to your phone or computer calendar.

Open the Yahrzeit calendar

If someone you love has died and you would like support, please get in touch through our Connect page →